Things we've learned in a year

[Sandy's mom]

It's hard to believe but a year ago we brought home this 8 week old 5lb (yes she was very tiny ) golden puppy. I carried my sweetie through the streets at Corn Festival in my arms. NO I will not even consider lifting all 55lbs of her now. Just thought I would share some of the things we have learned and let you all have a chuckle or two. We were very naive when we got her. This is all from her point of view btw.

1. Food- why eat dog food when the stuff Mom & Dad have looks so much better.

2. Dog food is best eaten off of the floor NOT out of a dish.

3. Water is also best when lapped off the floor, wall and nearest person. The dish is there only to hold it until it is time for distribution.

4. Water is wonderful outside, but it is even better when mixed with dirt.

5. Above listed combination should be shared with any person we love. It should be put onto their clothing, floors and they absolutely ADORE when you put it in their beds.

6. Beds are to be shared. Humans do not need much room to sleep so leave them as little as possible. This makes your humans the happiest.

7. Humans like you to help them with whatever they are doing. They love when you help them sleep (or whatever else it is they are doing in there). They also love it when you help them read the paper by laying on it. They love when you help them vacuum, sweep, mop or dust.

8. Humans often need rescuing. This is especially true when the bathroom door eats them. When you see that your beloved is being eaten by the door it is important that you use whatever method possible to get them out. Sticking your paws under the door and howling seems to be the best way to rescue your beloved.

9. Humans also need help showering. And drying off. Also you must rescue them from this smelly slimy stuff they put on after showering. The only way to save them from this is to lick it off no matter how it tastes or how much they complain.

10. Humans have a thing called a hamper. A hamper is a large container of treats. Go in and help yourself whenever. Humans also love when you do this when they have company. It shows to their company how generous they are with treats to their wonderful baby. These things they call underwear are the most special treats and should be saved for this occasion.

11. Humans also leave treats called "paper" all over the house. These are there for you to consume at will. If you go into the bathroom there is a whole roll of this stuff and humans simply adore when you unroll it for them. This saves them having to do it.

12. Dead things. Humans love to be brought dead things. They also like if you bring them almost dead things and drop them in their laps. Worms are a favorite in our house. We get the most delighted squeels from Mom. We think the squeels are just like our excited barking.

13. The water feature in the backyard is our personal drinking fountain. It was put there just for us. And when mom is out there yelling no, she really means yes, so just ignore her.

14. The hose must be killed at every opportunity. If you bite it hard enough you get water whenever you want without your humans having to turn it on.

15. The couch is there for you to sit on. Just remember on occasion you MUST share it with your humans.

16. If you have to throw up there are several places that humans want you to do it. One is the above listed couch. The other is in mom or dad's shoes.

17. The cats are just squeeky toys. But becareful to not squeeze them too tightly or mom will send you to your crate.

18. The crate is your spot for time out or to just chill. But best chill place is right behind mom while she is cooking supper.

19. The pillows on the couch are for playing tug of war.

20. And last your humans will use this word about you. They will say you are a dog. Not sure why they use this word or call you it, but remember you are a human that just walks, talks and looks a bit different. You are not odd by any means. You just cannot help it that your poor people are forced to put all of their weight on two legs, communicate funny and they are forced to wear icky clothing instead of beautiful golden fur.

[Brandy and Charlie's Mom]

That was wonderful, and oh so true! Sandy's got a fabulously insightful mom.

[marshab1]

I've only had my puppy 10 weeks and I've already learned most of these things. But I've got 1 to add

21. When you want to get in the car with your Mom or Dad, just start scratching at one of the car doors. This gets their attention and they open the door real quick.

It's a good thing I like my car because the scratches are dropping the value real quick.

[Sandy's mom]

I totally agree Marsha. As a matter of fact Sandy who has weak back hips and takes FOREVER to get up off the couch, bed, floor, etc. Can literally bound up and over the back of the couch and race to the door all at the sound of my keys. I now have to very quietly and carefully pick them up if I want to get out of the house without her.

[Brooklyn's Mom]

Oh this is the best! As the owner of a now 8 1/2 month old I can also attest to the following additions to your list:

22. Always help Mom and Dad decide what they want out of the fridge. Running over immediately and pointing to various items helps them choose quickly. And you can often get a game of chase in if you snag something you like!

23. The dishes and silverware in the dishwasher need further cleaning before the dishwasher is run. Quickly lick as many items as you can before the door to the dishwasher is closed. You are being timed.

24. Always verify that the garbage pail is not full. If it is full, alert your parents by pulling the tastiest item from the top and run by them with it in your mouth. This will let them know it is time to empty the garbage.

25. Be sure to show your parents how much you love the new toys they get you. Do as much damage as you can in the shortest amount of time to show your appreciation. Especially be sure to remove any limbs and all stuffing from the furry toys. Try not to sigh too loudly when toy is taken away. It will be replaced soon by a new one!

[Tom]

26. And don't forget all those lovely wastebaskets around the house. Be sure to thank your Mom and Dad for keeping these ubiquitous snack trays stocked with tissues, envelopes, etc. all for your exclusive pleasure.

[Duke's Mom]

27. They really appreciate it when you help them carry the laundry bag down stairs and across the room to the washer. I generally pull and tug to help momma get done faster.

28. Cleaning off counters of various food items I'm sure are discarded is especially appreciated.

29. Watching football with momma is the best. Especially when the Huskers or Broncos are playing.

30. If you stare at the ice maker pushy thing in the freezer door long enough, eventually the door will open up and dispense a few cubes.

31. Greeting friends and relatives is expected at the front door. Jumping on their bed if they stay the night is also expected as well as going through their suit cases to find any gifts or of course food.

32. A golden human can generally get two more huge mouthfuls of food if momma forgets to shut the pantry door simply by sticking their nose in the food container before found out.

[johnwa]

Sandy’s mom, excellent thread; my compliments!


33. When your human gives you a bath, wait until you are all soaped-up. Then shake well! Be sure to get all the soap on your human.

34. Each time you go out to pee, please be sure to smell the exact same spot for at least 30 minutes before taking any action.

35. Please be sure to train, train, train your humans!
It's well worth it. And half the time they don't even realize that you're doing it.

36. If you're waiting for your human to come home, and you've been a bad dog, be sure to blame it all on the cat. If your human does not own a cat, then blame the kids.

[Sandy's mom]

Thank you Johnwa. This came to me last night. I was laying in bed and it occured to me we were coming on our 1year anniversary of getting Sandy. Then I just started thinking about the past year and well...the rest is history.

[Janet]

This is wonderful.........a great book.... really :029

37. When you human and someone else are sitting on the couch having a conversation or looking at a magazine or photos, jump right in the middle....they really do want your opinion....and have probably been wondering "what took you so long?".

[prl]

What a great thread! My chuckle for the day. (Who am I kidding,l I laughed out loud ;) .

[HeatherM]

:D love this thread. :D


cady asked me to add her entries:

38. water good. soap bad.

39. if your humans refuse to provide you with a napkin to wipe your chin after dinner, feel free to use the living room carpet, that's what it's there for.

40. i know this has already been listed, but it can't be stressed enough--- train, train, train your humans!

[Duke's Mom]

41. Human's anal glands smell horrible!

42. Potty training humans to go outside is impossible. You just have to share your water bowl with them - as gross as that sounds.

[Brandy and Charlie's Mom]

Brandy and Jenna wanted me to add a few.

43. Always bark like crazy if you spot another golden outside. Your humans will feel safe knowing that you're keeping an eye out on the neighborhood.

44. If you don't want your human to leave the house just yet, brush up against their black pants. (Be sure to act very affectionate while doing this!) It buys you a few more minutes of togetherness while they use the lint roller.

[niome]

Piper wanted me to add another important thing!
45. When your humans are (ugh) petting the cats no matter how relaxed they look they really do want you to run over and stick your face towards the cat, the following noises are actual celebration noises that your humans make because you have rescued them from the (ugh) cat! rofl3

[WendyGirlfriend]

46. To get your human to pet you, just lie on the couch and
try to look as cute as possible. It works everytime!

47. The section in the yard with the fence around is
actually a game. Try to break into it, there's lots of soft
mud to roll in and yummy vegetables to chew. When you
get good at it, the humans will try to make it more fun to
get in.

48. Another fun game is pulling down the stuff hanging on
the clothesline in the yard. See how much you can fit in
your mouth at the same time.
*This is especially fun to play when your human isn't
paying attention to you.

49. Under the big bed makes a good secret hideout when you
have something you don't want to share. *Don't forget to
tuck your tail in inside with you.

50. Laughing and the noise "Aaaaawwww" is your signal to
run to and jump on your human.

51. Everytime you see the cat, try to sniff it's behind, they
really like that!


I like reading these...they're funny :D

[Sandy's mom]

I was reading these to my hubby last night and he has decided that

1. I have too much time on my hands
2. You all also have too much time on your hands
and
3. We're all nuts!!!

[Duke's Mom]

My husband wants to know ......

4. Why the dogs only talk here.

[magsdad]

Your humans' need lots of attention. By all means you should lie on top of them while they are trying to read or watch TV. They especially like it if you sit on their head while they're sleeping. :dogbark

[Skokie]

How about....why my golden always finds a spot to poop that requires this human to climb into ditches, over tree stumps, you name it. Why make it easy for your human to poop and scoop

[KATERINA & TSOUFI]

52. Humans must be gratefull. They dont need to pay for a gardener when us dogs dig all the holes they need in the garden. We also move all the plants else where, eat the grass, (who needs to cut it anyway.

53. Open the tv and stereo set and then burry tv and stereo controls in the garden. Humans adore loud music and tv adds at the same time.

LOL. I agree with everything...and more. Having a baby Saint Bernard in the house with 2 Golden retrievers made me learn so many wondefull new things these babies can do for you.

Katerina & Tsoufi & Keagan

[Regal101]

i am a little lost on the numbers.

-it is plenty ok to bark at the heating repair guy, your heater enough.
-the tomatoes in the back yard are for salsa. you can help your human out bye chewing it up and spitting it out on the deck with plenty of grass and saliva. this will make the most smooth salsa they have ever dipped those paper things into.
-it truly is nessecary to create a worn spot in the carpet where you lay, continue to lay there until there is a layer of your fur 4 inches thicker than the vacume can remove.
-if you let the human make you a pillow, you will atomatically have a new place to hold extra slaiva. besides, what else can pores be for.

[ash]

Hi All,

This is a GREAT thread!!

58. Humans LOVE this game they throw the tennis ball you chase it, find it then just sit by it and they walk all the way over to get it (its funny) then in a few days they think you may want to play again. Ohh and don't forget you have to really act like you want to play alot this time. Its for their enjoyment really it is.

[furkidcheyenne]

59. Remember to bark in sync with the human talking on the phone. Humans love that you are talking along with them.
60. Whoever gets out the door first is the best. If you actually knock human down though you probably won't get to play ball.
61. Fun game to sneak up behind human and lie down so they discover you when they turn around. You have to be careful though you get out of the way or trip human before actually getting stepped on
62. Wrestling in the bed while human puts new clean sheets on is also a fun game.
63. Poop on the go on the trail too instead of taking time to stop and make human wait while you find a spot in the grass. This will elicit a funny look from human and laughs from their friends at your courtesy!

Loved this thread. I am sure I could go on or will think of more later but it's funny how they all do so many of the same things even though they all have such personalities. Gotta luv em!

[Bentley's human]

Astro's & McGee's contribution...
- if you find something smelly, eat it. If it's really smelly,
roll in it.
- if there are 2 of you all the better. 'Specially when Mom is
trying to sleep in in the morning, works great to have one
in bed and one on the floor pulling mom's arm, foot, cover, pillow, etc.
- sticks and pinecones are best when chewed...in the house
- if your human is busy doing something, rest assured they will ALWAYS need help. They usually need our help most when getting dressed. Pants are an issue for them. But it's more helpful to get a drink of water first, then be sure to help pull up the pants.
- socks too (again, more effective after getting a drink)
- best effect is to watch Mom walk in her socks after we've gotten a drink and walk around the house

This site is so helpful...kinda like group therapy rofl3

[Steel]

Here are a few I've learned...

69) Mom and Dad love it when I play high five with them while they are trying to write on the laptop.

70) Above applies to when they are also writing in their journals, or drawing.

71) They really go nuts when I breathe in their ear. So I just sit beside them, lean in and pant away in their direction.

72) Miming (Barking) the characters in Mom's favourite tv show is almost as good as any of Doctor House's snide remarks.

73) Barking at the new lamps, pictures or anything else Mom gets Dad to put up is important as Mom values my decorating opinion on EVERYTHING.

74) I demand Timbits (little bits of donut pastry). They are a must on every trip through drive-through to get coffee and I will crash the truck if you don't give me any.

75) When Mom and Dad have me in an e-collar, I will smash it into their legs at any given opportunity. If I suffer; they suffer.

76) I Show Mom and Dad I really care by getting my heaviest toy and dropping it on their toes. They jump for joy!

77) I know mom is a light sleeper... and I try to be as noisy as possible when moving around. It makes mom know that I'm awake with her and she doesn't have to be scared of the dark.

78) When I'm up at 530AM, I'll get mom and dad up too! This especially goes on the weekend and most importantly, on those weekends that Dad gets back from a course. I have to get as much time in with them as possible!

79) When mom or dad can't see where they are going when going down the stairs, I'll guide them. Although, I have to be careful because I've had full loads of dirty laundry dropped on me before!

80) Passing gas in the truck on a hot day is fun! They roll the windows down all the way then!

81) On cardboard recycling days, any cardboard within the radius of my yard leash is fair game. That goes for the neighbour's cardboard as well.

82) Dad smells like diesel after playing in tanks and trucks all day! I like to greet him at the door and jam my nose into every crevice for at least 20 minutes.

83) In the rain, I like to take as LOOOONG as possible to find a place to go pee or poo in. Mom is over joyed when I run into the house and jump all over her furniture with muddy paws.

[Giovanna]

84) It is necessary to re-home all frogs and toads I find in the yard and mom's living room floor is simply the best place for them all.
85) I must bark at night at all the frogs that stick on the front door, cause mom (I know she's asleep) really wants to know those things are there to make me mad
86) mom loves my kisses after I've carried a toad in my mouth - she loves me so....

[sammydog]

87. If you are not thoroughly dried after getting a bath you can finish drying your self by rolling on the couch or bed. If you have nice carpet or rugs that will do too.

88. For some reason alarm clocks do not work on the weekends. Be sure to jump on the bed and give kisses less they forget to get up and feed you.

89. Be sure to inspect each grocery bag that your parent brings into the house. You never know when they may have something for you.

90. If it is a hot day and you get to play in the water make sure you cool off your family and friends by going to whereever they are and shake.

[Jersey's Mom]

This thread is great! Jersey wanted to share some of his favorites as well...


91. Number 90 is best performed when your human has bent down to pick up the toy you have brought them. This ensures that they will need to remove those crazy mirror things from in front of their eyes!

92. All toys are best played with after they have been dunked in your water bowl. Balls are fun to fish back out of the bowl... but the true fun lies with the furry toys. After you dunk them, you can shake them, sending water flying everywhere! And your humans love it when the wet toys are piled on the bed, or on them! (While a great "anytime" game, this is best played when your human has turned off the lights and is pretending to sleep. You know they're faking by the way they squeal with delight when you drop the wet toy on their face!)

93. When you tire of your human speaking into that little plastic thing they call a "phone", just jump up on the bed and crawl into their lap. Cuteness counts!! If this tactic doesn't work you're in a great position to crawl on top of them and try to get your head between their face and the phone! Feel free to throw in a little ear nibble, but be sure not to make them say "ow" or the whole plan could backfire!

94. If your human is laying in bed watching TV, be sure to stand at the end of the bed so that you are blocking the tv. They love this game and will show you by bobbing and weaving around! If they tell you to move, remember it's all part of the game so go ahead and sit... or lay down, but make sure you keep your head up. (Same rules apply in the living room, but unless they're laying down on the floor, only sitting or standing will work.)

[Sandy's mom]

Oh my...I saw this post and had to reread them all. I started it in the fall when we had Sandy for a year. She's now going to be 2y/o on July 31st and I see my little girl turning into an adult and it makes me happy and sad. So I have to add more to this list.

95. If you sit really really quietly so that your humans forget you are there and then let go with a very loud bark the humans leave marks in the ceiling.

96. The pool deck ladder is a BAD thing and is to be avoided.

97. Any patch of yard not having grass is for digging, dumping your water dish in and then rolling.

98. When the humans put rock down remember there is still dirt under it.

99. Rose bushes do NOT taste good.

100. The big water dish in the rock garden is too a dog dish no matter WHAT mom says....and what the heck is a fountain?

101. If it starts to get light out your human has over slept. You must then climb in bed, lick their faces and then push them out of bed.

I love this thread. It brought back alot of puppy memories and I think I need to read it more often. Especially when we're taking trips to the vet for injuries, and I'm picking up my brand new sandals that have never been worn out of the house, but now have the same chunk out of the toe on one as the rest of my sandals...yes EVERY pair I own has a small chunk out of the toe of just one. Thank you Sandra Rose.

[roadie]

I can relate to all of these! Skooter asked me to add a few. She would have typed them in, but she can't hit the space bar because she has no thumbs!

102. If you're getting potty trained (like I am), make sure you ask to go out when everyone sits down for dinner. It really gets their attention!

103. If mom's on the phone, run into the living room & grab the "dry clean only" pillows off the couch & slobber all over them.

104. When you want some attention, go upstairs and be really, really quiet. You know someone will come up there to see what you're up to!

105. As soon as mom puts lotion on her legs, lick them like crazy. It tastes great!

106. Laundry day is the best. You can roll all over the clothes and sneak a few socks at the same time! I especially like when mom is changing the sheets. I can hide in them & she can't find me.

What would our humans do without us to entertain them?? :029

[Cham]

Hailey has some additions also:

107: Refuse to look at Mom or Dad when they want to play, then when they give up, just sit in front of them and stare, guilt is a wonderful thing.

108: When your humans are sitting peacefully in front of the tv eating off what they call tv trays, when they are not looking just walk by casually, and help yourself to Mom's dinner roll.

109: If the vet says you have to be a house potato until he sees you again, as soon as you decide you are better, jump all over your humans, have Zoomie attacks, and give hugs to Mom, Dad, and Matt while standing on your stitched up paws. They just love hugs, especially when they think you are still sick. What do they know?

110: Mom's ginger ale is great, and she loves the fact I am learning how to use her straws along with trying to stick my tongue in the can. She just screams for happiness.

111: Teach your humans to race you up the stairs everytime they want to go up. Even let them beat you once in a while, it makes them feel special.

[Dogrunner]

From Berr:

Let Mom know you still have the itchies by rubbing your butt on the good living room chair and moaning. Works best if you can do it when company is over.

Big Sis will make funny sounds if you take her underwear out of the hamper and put it in the new boyfriend's lap.

If you make the cat or the little dog squeak, you're in trouble.

If you get in the garbage can--even if it's just to look around and sniff some--you're in trouble.

If you climb to the top of the cat rack, you can tick off the cat and amuse Mom at the same time. If you try to climb through the hole thing though, your butt will get stuck and the cat will laugh at you.

From Shaker:

You can make a human play ball with you if you bring in all of your balls, one at a time, and pile them up at their feet. Then do the ball dance and do little "ruff ruff" noises until they get up and go outside and play ball with you. Fresh air is good for them. Make them go outside often.

Bring anything you kill inside the house so Mom can see. Moms like to see what you've been doing. If you play tug of war with the dead thing in the house though, Mom will not be amused.

If you make the cat or the little dog squeak, you're in trouble.
The little dog won't tell on you but the cat will rat you out in a heartbeat.

Pooping right outside the door will get you in trouble even if it is outside and it was raining. If Mom steps in it, you're in big trouble. Try to blame it on the cat.

[grace]

It is great when human repair people come over especially the internet person. When they come over make sure you lick their face when they are lying on the floor fixing the wires and don't leave their side ever
( what number are we on?)

[Sandy's mom]

If I counted right yours was 121 :029

[Sandy's mom]

#122 When your humans teach you to say please make sure you say it for EVERYTHING your huge golden heart desires. Say it especially if they are eating something yummy. And if you add in sad puppy dog eyes it makes it a "pretty please".

[Cascherman]

Had to add my two cents....

#123 -- :rolleyes: The other dog's dish has better food.... even if the humans try to tell you that it is the same in both bowls. Always eat out of the the bowl that they put down in front of the other dog.

#124 -- :eek: Make sure to lie under the footrest of the recliner when they are watching television. This will give the people and opportunity for some agility training because they will have to as they climb over the side of the chair when they get up.
Another great location to conduct agility training is in the bathroom. Camp out on the bathmat whenever the human is in the tub... when they are ready to get out they will have to take a giant step over you and this is good leg stretching exercise.

#125 -- :cool: Wait for the humans have put on clean clothes and as soon as they do it is a signal for you to jump on them....preferable with wet dirty paws. This way when they leave the house without you they will carry your scent so other dogs know they belong to you and other humans will see the paw prints and know that your people are lucky enough to own a dog.

[Dogrunner]

#125 -- :cool: Wait for the humans have put on clean clothes and as soon as they do it is a signal for you to jump on them....preferable with wet dirty paws. This way when they leave the house without you they will carry your scent so other dogs know they belong to you and other humans will see the paw prints and know that your people are lucky enough to own a dog.

rofl3 rofl3 rofl3 Absolutely love this one!